i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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