If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
