I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
