Sober January is a disaster.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
