Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
