update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
