even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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