my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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