hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
