so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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