Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
