I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
