i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
