I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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