Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
