It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
