i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We left an ass print on the piano.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
