He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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