Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
