He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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