Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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