I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
