can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
