Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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