Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
