At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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