Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
