Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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