I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
