I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
