She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
