I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
