He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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