Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
