i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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