I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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