Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
