toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
