So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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