HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
why do cheetos always look like penises
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
