You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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