he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
