I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
