i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
