I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Help. Why am I so naked?
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