I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
