I can text with my tongue
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
