she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
