ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
