I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
