Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
