Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
