Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
