did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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